Winning the Battle between Work and Family

Pastor Dillon Thornton

How can we be successful at our work without sacrificing our family? If you’re like me, you have more projects than you could ever get done at work, more needs than you could ever attend to at home, and a limited amount of time and energy. So, what do we do? 

God created work, and he is pleased when we do our work well. God created family, and he is pleased when we order the family according to his design. The collision so many of us experience is a collision of two good things. What we must do, then, is fight for the greater of the two goods; we must fight for our family. 

If your work is dominating your life and eroding your relationships, then I recommend taking the following four steps immediately: 

1. Communicate with your spouse.

So many marriage problems could be solved by better communication. Suffering in silence is not an option. Neither is complaining to your friends. Talk to your husband. Talk to your wife. Begin with this question: What one thing would you change about my schedule? Ask your spouse this question, and then listen sincerely. Maybe the answer will be less travel, more family dinners, or arriving home at a certain time. I asked my wife this question recently and without having to give it much thought she replied, “I’d love it if you didn’t work on Saturdays. Most Saturdays you have some church-related event or you’re putting the final touches on your sermon, and when your mind is on your sermon, you’re not truly present with me and the boys.” She’s right. 

2. Propose a change to your employer.

Having heard from your spouse, you now need to approach your employer and propose a change to your work schedule. When finally we realize that we’ve made a mess of things at home, we want to make things right. We might even be tempted to blame our employer, march into our boss’ office, and make demands. Resist this urge. A more effective approach is found in the story of Daniel. Daniel and his friends were deported to Babylon; they were cast into a new culture. They accepted many things about this new culture: new names, a new education, even a new occupation. But certain work-related matters would have caused them to violate their principles as the people of God. When asked to eat the king of Babylon’s food, Daniel politely refused. To eat this food would have been interpreted as a pledge of absolute allegiance to the king of Babylon. Serving in the king’s administration was one thing. Stating ultimate loyalty to the king was something Daniel and his friends couldn’t stomach. The most relevant part of the story for us is not that Daniel refused, but how he refused. He proposed an alternative that allowed him to remain faithful to his convictions and was for the good of his employer. Daniel suggested a trial period: “Give us vegetables and water for ten days. After this trial period, evaluate us, and if you’re unhappy with the results, then do with us whatever you want.” Daniel was courageous, courteous, and clever. Follow his lead as you approach your employer. 

3. Talk to your children about your work.

Not all of us have jobs that allow us periodically to take our children to work, but all of us should teach our children about our work. Whatever arrangement you and your employer come to, there will still be the odd occasion, the extra busy week, when you’ll miss dinner, miss the baseball game, or miss the recital. When your work time intrudes on your family time, communicate as much as you can and as clearly as you can. Explain to your children what you do at work and why your work is important. But most importantly, help them understand that your heart is with them even when you have to be at work. Make sure your children know that you do your work and you love your family. 

4. Schedule quality time with your family.

More than anything else, your family wants to know that they are your priority. “They are my priority,” you say. But do they feel this? Do they sense it in your schedule? Don’t allow your work to dominate fifty weeks of the year and then try to catch up with an extended vacation. Schedule quality family time every week. Try to designate a full day of the week as family day. In addition to this, spend some time each day with your spouse and your children. And make sure it’s time focused on them, which means it’s not time devoted to your personal hobbies, and it’s not time for multi-tasking. When you’re present with your family, be fully present.

No one gets to the end of life and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. But so many people get to the end of life and wish they’d been better fathers, better mothers, or better grandparents. Fight for your family now, while you still have time to do so.